Friday Q+A: How To Heal After A Bad Relationship…

Happy Friday y’all I hope everyone had a wonderful week and I can’t believe its the last weekend of October this month has flown by. I can’t wait for Thanksgiving and the holiday season. These last 2 weeks have been about relationships and I feel like there is a little bit of a theme I am one to be honest and forth coming about everything. I want to be honest and transparent about everything I’ve been through and I want to bring you guys a long with me!! I hope everyone has a fabulous weekend. XX

1. After a toxic relationship, do you still believe in healthy ones? How challenging can it be to regain the faith in a healthy relationship after something like that?

Yes, I think anytime we go through something bad we believe that we only know the bad. However I believe you can have a healthy one after a bad one. For me after my toxic relationship it took me 2 1/2 years to take time for myself. I didn’t date, try to date, hook up. Nothing I wanted time to heal and do stuff for me. I prayed a lot for healing and I continue to pray for a “good” guy.

2. How do you trust a new relationship after a previous one was toxic, either because of your partner, relationship chemistry, or beliefs?

Anytime you go through something bad whether it’s cheating, lying, gaslighting, manipulation, abusive, you wonder if it was you, the both of you, or just the other person. I am always cautious about who I am around and because my family and I are so close their opinion matters to me.

3. Is it essential for your values and lifestyles to align, or can there be differences and find a “middle-ground” in a relationship where you have things that make you unique from each other, yet also have commonalities that you share?

I think for me to be able to “make things work” you need to be able to have some sort of common ground. I am very lucky to be able to travel, work from home, and be in school full-time however that doesn’t mean I am going to find someone who works a 9-5. I know for me having common ground is important for am example how close is he to his family. I also think it’s important to have a life outside of the relationship. I rather go to Maine one weekend than go play golf with him or go to a football game with the guys and vise versa.

4. When you encounter a disagreement in a relationship, for any reason, what have you found to be the most essential way to find a resolution that benefits everyone?

Taking time for yourself and let yourself regroup is the way I deal with things. It depends on the disagreement and who he is as a person. For me when I don’t like something I shut down and I need a minute to regroup. He could be someone who wants answers, deals with it right away and won’t change the subject till we talk about it.

5. Are you able to provide support and comfort for your partner? What are some of the things you have found to be most effective in doing that?

For me understanding what his needs/wants are and making that effort. If I am working late at night doing blog stuff or social media constantly he might say I don’t want you to do it past 7pm. Communication is key and knowing what he wants vs what he is ok with.

6. How can you support your partner even if their beliefs might not fully align with yours?  

Depending on what their beliefs are some aren’t negotiable and you might have to rethink about that relationship. I am looking for someone who isn’t just a boyfriend, someone who can be a potential husband, father, leader. I’m not marrying someone just because, I am marrying them because raising kids is hard, building a life is hard and I want that teammate. You will never 100 percent agree with them but supporting them is key.

7. Is full disclosure an important aspect for you in a relationship, or are there some things that you might not share with your partner, and that they might not share with you?

I will be honest I am an open book I share so much I have nothing to hide. However not everything is relevant to the relationship. Yes I care about the past and what went wrong in a pervious relationship because somethings might make sense. It also depends on what stage you are in your relationship.

8. What are the main stressors in your life, and how do you feel your partner can best help you cope with and process those in the healthiest way for your relationship?

When I am dealing with stress I don’t communicate so I will shut down very easily. It depends on the guy because I know a lot of guys in my life who take very good care of me when I am stress, hurt, scared etc…

9. How do you work through an argument? Is it best settled in one sitting, or over time to find a resolution in a more calm/collected manner?

I work through arguments differently than a potential partner for me communication, space, and not letting feelings linger.

10. How important is it to do one thing a day that you both enjoy? Is it something that is done every day, or once a week, purely just enjoying each other’s company with something such as a movie, dinner, a walk in your favorite place, or even something completely different?

I believe it’s very important but again you can be doing long distance, he could be traveling for work, he could be in the military and your going through moves every 6 months. Making time for one another is key and making sure you tell them how much you appreciate them goes a long way.

11. (Bonus Question!) – When you do have a conflict with your partner, and find a successful resolution, would you say it strengthens your relationship with each conflict solved?

It can strengthen your relationship. I watched my grandparents be married for 25 years and I could see the love even after a conflict the first words out of their mouth was “I am sorry and I love you” no marriage, relationship, friendship is perfect but understanding them as a person works.

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Categorized as Q&A

By Grace Dowling

I am from a small town in Connecticut I love traveling, spending time in my favorite place called Maine.

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